When I was younger say about 12, I was fascinated about how males (young and old) were so adept at covering their…let’s call them Jonnies from the prying eyes of the public whenever they had to pee in public which was not often. I always wondered if they went through a secret class that trained them in this skill because even little boys of about 5 were equally skilled. I would try and try to see Jonny but failed miserably. Now, this quest went on for a while till I became a teenager; I eventually gave up when I recorded no success. I was able to carry on this mission for quite a while because it wasn’t something that happened often, I rarely saw peeing males except during long distance journeys when passengers had to obey the call of nature at some point. For me, seeing peeing males in the city was a treat, you know like when a relative from ‘abroad’ visits with food and snacks from Mr. Bigg’s.
Today, I am being bombarded by Jonnies everywhere I turn! It’s appalling and sickening! Dark skinned, light skinned, wrinkled, gosh! I’m not even looking and voila! Jonny appears! Seriously, my quest has been over a decade ago! I have come to two conclusions, it’s either the secret class ended or the society has degenerated so much that our males can no longer discern that Jonny is an integral part of who they are that is to be protected and adequately cared for. I became seriously concerned about this issue one beautiful afternoon; I was in the kitchen with my two year old nephew when he said ‘I want to pee’, I immediately leave all I’m doing to attend to him. As I release his zipper and lead him to the toilet, my darling nephew suddenly dashes out the back door, runs out and in a second my innocent nephew is peeing! My nephew doesn’t live in Nigeria and was around on vacation, so imagine how scared I was at the rate of the spread of this ‘mad culture’. It might seem funny, you probably think I am over reacting but this is a very serious issue that needs immediate attention.
Males today have become so undisciplined that the mere sight of a gutter suddenly lights a bulb in their heads and brings forward the thought ‘Ah! I haven’t peed today!’ For me, a guy who pees on the road is a huge turn off, no matter what car you drive, your degree, pedigree - pedigree ke? If you abuse Jonny, you have no pedigree. Guys, seriously, just imagine how you would feel if you were ‘eyeing’ one babe and just as you were about to approach her she suddenly squats, pulls her panties to one side and obey nature’s call; then walks up to you and says hi (with phoné of course). Wouldn’t you be immediately repulsed? In my opinion, any big man wey dey piss for road na money miss road.
Ladies, run from any guy who just pees on the road at the slightest opportunity; it’s a sign he has no self control. Seriously? Yes! Let’s not even go into the details of the hygiene of it all. These days I’m wary of shaking the hands of guys that I meet because I don’t trust where those hands have been.
Finally, I write to plead with men for the sake of my nephew, the next generation and our unborn children, to commence that secret class once again and restore the dignity of Jonny. Let young girls marvel at how well you protect Jonny and learn a lesson or two from you that will make her determined to protect her…let’s call her Jayne! I also write to beg you to spare my eyes as they will neither behold iniquity nor strange Jonnies. Again I say, leave me be Jonny!
With righteous anger and concern for our future.