We struggle without grace.
Last year, I was working with a fantastic organization and even though I was employed, I had no work to do. It was not like there was no work to do, it was just that management did not trust you enough to let you handle any responsibility unless of course menial errands like turning on the generator when PHCN did what they were paid to do, serving refreshments during board meetings, representing the company in association meetings where issues being discussed happened at least a decade before you were born. Naturally, I became bored, so bored I would spend hours: sleeping (what? Fine, I admit it’s shameful), on the phone with my sister (this I really miss), on Facebook (this one was ordained o) and that’s how I started writing seriously and enjoying writing. So I wrote, Face booked, met amazing people, read life changing notes and wrote some more until I said to myself ‘I’m going to die mentally and spiritually here’. Though I had ample time on my hands doing nothing, I still got paid at the end of the month, but not without management reminding you with screaming and snide remarks how you were being paid for doing nothing. I was frustrated, very bored and I wanted more; so I made up my mind to resign at the end of the year and go back to school.
My plan was simple – start school May/September 2012 and get a job before school starts. I resumed a new job in January as planned and life could not be better. I was happy, I loved my job, the work environment was better and I could proudly say I earned every penny I got! Did I mention I got a black berry as an official phone with monthly subscription and weekly credit? Yea, I know, sticking out my tongue to my brother who promised me one taya! My life was perfect or so I thought until management started…well, managing. Here, management practically hovers around you and everything that is the company’s which you work with to ensure that you work much more than you are paid! Before I knew it, I was heading two departments, attending every meeting, managing three websites, two Facebook pages and three twitter handles! Gone was my idle time; sometimes I’d feel so tired and sleepy, I practically have to hold my eyelids to stay awake! I’d be in meetings from the start of work and the next thing I know, it’s past break time but that’s not all, – it’s time for another meeting and then it’s 5 O’ clock but hey, it gets even better because my body is now starting to shake due to lack of food when management says “Anwuli, is the document ready?”. Sincerely, in my head, I’m thinking “If I was attending meetings all day, WHEN WOULD I HAVE TIME TO PREPARE THE DOCUMENT??? Without saying, I lost weight with the speed of lightning and writing? Hmm, that one was got with the wind; I mean this is my second note in five months! Anyway, all that I could cope with. What almost drove me crazy though was when management started making comments like “Anwuli, I think you need to prioritize your duties, you are not meeting up to your deadlines. Your predecessor for example used to stay overnight at the office just so she could meet up with her deadlines and she always did, I’m not saying you should do same but just think about it”, or just after I change my display picture or update my status “I think we need to use this black berry to publicize the company, you know the phone is not just there for nothing”, for everyone: who has complained about never seeing my picture or was hurt because I did not put up their picture on their birthday, now you know why. Me, I am not complaining sha… ok, at least not anymore (big smile on my face). One day, when I used to complain, I went lamenting to a former colleague and he said to me “Omo wa’se, o r’ise!” And that really is my story, and the story of every child of God.
With grace this is a piece of cake! Well, maybe not as sweet.
We want eternal life and the bonuses attached but we want no cross on our journey to that destination. Jesus’ destination when He left heaven for earth was not to die on the cross but it was to the place of honour at the right hand of the throne of God, Heb 12: 2. Hun? You mean it was not to die for me? Friend, it was much more than that! Jesus knew that after salvation comes the cross so he went the extra mile to live a life we could follow to help us attain glory like He did. He endured the shame, the pain, the betrayal, unbelief of His disciples, and death on the cross for the glory He saw.
A cross is not pretty neither is it pleasant, it is that seeming negative in your life though you are a disciple. It cannot be hidden; it is heavy and visible, something shameful that people identify you with for the period which it lastsbecause it aint forever – even if you die carrying it, it ends with your mortal body. It is an experience capable of making you renounce your faith. It is when you can’t see God yet you are asked to believe. It is what makes you question God. It is what makes you abandon the affection of God and embrace the seduction of the devil.
What is your cross and what glory do you see? If you see an invention, your cross might be being misunderstood by the world; If you see ruling a kingdom, your cross might be being hated by the ones you love; If you see ministry, your cross might be being sexually and verbally abused by the ones you trusted; If you see a financially secure future, your cross might be the loss of the source of that security. If you see happily ever after, your cross might be marrying a monster.
The cross is not to be understood, it is to be carried and unless you see and continue seeing a glory, your cross won’t be worth carrying to you. In carrying your cross; Know that God does not waste resources and everything He allows to happen is for a reason. Know that God’s thoughts towards you are of good and not of evil, Jer 29: 11. Know that He will not give you much more than you can bear 1 Cor 10: 13. If indeed you are carrying your cross and not someone else’s, He will compel a Simon to help you Matt 15: 21. Finally, know also that the cross is discipline; God will not give His glory to unruly children, Heb 12: 7-17
What you see will keep you. What do you see?
No matter your cross, one thing is sure, carrying your cross never leaves you worse than it met you – it always brings you glory and in attaining that glory, you help others do same!
P.s if all I have written makes no sense to you, all this cross talk as your life is and has always been prefect; sweetheart start ‘gyming’ because your cross is on its way and no I don’t mean dumb bells but God’s word, silly!