BENEATH I’M BEAUTIFUL

Beneath I’m beautiful is a child badly scarred. Try as she may, the stains won’t leave no matter how hard she scrubs. The little she has left she protects with all her strength and will. The world is intimidated and judged by her purity; not her intention, she is just living her purpose – being good, but by whose certification? One simple test threw the cold truth in her face – she is not perfect, all she strived for crumbled in a moment of realization. Can she recover; is this the beginning of her journey to healing?

Beneath I’m beautiful is a woman who cared and was hurt every time. Barely twenty and with a child in a strange land, it didn’t take long to grow a thick skin. She managed to care for herself and even convinced everyone that she needed nothing. She is in control of her life and all who are a part of it. She built a wall so tall no one could climb it; sadly she’s trapped in too. She wants out but she’s too proud to ask for help and no one dares to reach out. So she suffers along with those she’s kept with her but they plan to escape and keep her locked in!

Beneath I’m beautiful is one who broke free from the bondage of poverty but remained caged in his mind. No amount of money is enough because to him wealth is acquiring and not creating. He is a giver but only to impress people and brag about it. He is intimidated by people rich in their minds and is constantly spending to reassure himself that he is isn’t poor forgetting that as a man thinketh so he is. The fear of being perceived as poor fuels his passion to acquire more and also live a meaningless life – vanity upon vanity!

Beneath I’m beautiful is a man who does not believe he is good enough. The next achievement is supposed to bring that satisfaction and sense of fulfillment but alas, he is overwhelmed with the feeling of inadequacy so the quest starts all over again. Dad and Mum have raised the bar so high and as firstborn, he must scale it! Lay a perfect example for those after him. An unending cycle that leaves his heart shattered from too many false disappointments. He is his virus and his antidote but all that’s on his mind is the next feat.

Beneath I’m beautiful is a boy who loved once and was heartbroken. How could daddy die without a warning? Hence, he has learnt to trust no one; love from a distance, never give your heart. He has carried on for so long, he can’t stop even if he tried – this is what he believes. Now that he is a daddy, he knows that daddy didn’t betray him but loved him till death. It’s time to make right his wrong for himself, honey and baby. Love in such a manner that if he didn’t get a chance to say good bye, his memory would keep them not kill them.

Have you found you? Can i find you?

Beneath I’m beautiful is me without covering. No degree, no family, no bank account, no career, no success, no Jesus, just plain me. Beneath I’m beautiful is me taking it all off and letting you see inside. It’s me accepting I got it all wrong and letting go of my philosophies. Beneath I’m beautiful I’m not perfect but I’m a work in progress. My land was ready in stripping all my layers till I found me, plain me. My foundation is Jesus; now I’m laying my blocks and building my tower. Beneath I’m beautiful, I AM BEAUTIFUL.

Can I see beneath you are beautiful?

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Super Me, Super You!

A while ago, I had a family emergency and I was the only one available to attend to it. So that cool Sunday morning, I took a bike (abeg, do we board okada? just asking) to the hospital but made a quick stop at the bank to withdraw some money. Now as you know, bikes are not allowed to park in front of banks so the bike rider dropped me off and proceeded to park at the end of the bank. I spend less than 5 minutes at the ATM and when I get outside there’s a scene! There’s a police van with about 4 armed policemen and they are trying to put the bike at the back of the van.

My bike man is pleading for mercy and I join in, telling them it’s my fault. I have an emergency; I had to stop at the ATM, blah, blah…but all that fell on deaf ears. A small crowd had gathered and we all pleaded with the policemen but they refused. At this point, the bike man (a Hausa) began to resist them. He dragged his bike with them refusing to let them put it in the back of the van.  Now this is a very bad combination – a Hausa man and policemen that have been resisted. Hausas are very easy going and trust worthy but they are also very stubborn and will fight with all it takes when they feel they are being treated unjustly. I once heard the story of a Hausa bike man whose bike was going to be carried away by policemen for some reason, this guy cursed them and set the bike ablaze saying he would rather have no bike than have the police take his bike again, apparently it had happened before. On the other hand, Nigerian policemen require the slightest resistance to employ the most force.

An idea of what happened

Anyway, at this point I can hear alarm bells in my head saying that things were going to get ugly really soon and they did. The policemen wrestled the bike man and destroyed his bike.  They removed the seat, deflated the tires and a key part of the engine leaving petrol and engine oil spilled on the floor, what was left was metal and wires. I was going to cry, I was so angry. I screamed at them saying the man had every right to fight because his means of livelihood was being taken from him, what kind of man would not fight back? I told them they could do this because they outnumbered him and had weapons. I asked them whether they could face him one on one or try this at a bike park. I was so angry, I called them cowards (well not literally) not that they were smart enough to deduce it anyway. They responded that thieves used bike men to rob banks so they were doing their job. I asked them whether I was a thief. I kept hearing “wisdom is profitable to direct” so I calmed myself down and let them go, at least they didn’t insist on taking the bike man and I to the police station.

Me, coming to the rescue! Pow!!!

I was angry at the policemen for being bullies, at the small crowd for being scared – they reprimanded the bike man for fighting for his bike, at myself for being helpless! I wished I were the daughter of the president or I had some special powers to punish them on the spot until they apologized to the bike man. As helpless as I felt, I could still do something. I asked him what was most important to buy back and how much it cost, I didn’t have all the money so I gave him about half of it. Something happened in that instant – the bike man didn’t expect that gesture neither did the small crowd. Suddenly, everyone was willing to help. We were stripped of tribe, status, and all that normally divides us; we were just brothers and sisters trying to help another brother in distress.

I thought to myself, what makes a super hero? Is it their fancy outfit and “super powers”? No, villains possess same. It’s the courage to do what is right and compassion for others. It’s the ability to put others first once in a while. It’s the ability to instill hope and keep hope alive. It’s being humane and seeing a life not colour, race, tribe, status when you look at a person. We are capable of these things; there is a hero in every one of us.

P.s Happy birthday Greg, thanks for being one of my heroes.

DEAD MAN WALKING!

“It’s so easy to commit suicide”, these were the words Timi heard as he answered Bidemi’s call. “Hello, Bidemi hello” but the line goes dead. A frantic Timi dashes out of the office to find Bidemi, his mind racing and praying earnestly that there is an explanation for the seeming obvious.  Poor Timi to receive such an unsettling call, the psychological trauma is best imagined. And Bidemi, what in the world would make a young woman willing to end her own life? What? Nigerians don’t commit suicide? Truth is, it is easy to commit suicide and a lot of us are dead already, even you.

We die when we fall for the temptation to give up – on God, life, love, hope, people. We refuse to fight and assume a posture of indifference. We think it’s safer not to get involved, to sit on the fence so we are not hurt. At first, we give the barest minimum because we want convenience, never stretching ourselves but after a while we become grey and numb, we cease to live and just exist so life spits us out. That’s the rule my dear, even God wants you to take a stand, either hot or cold but lukewarm is unacceptable – dead man walking!

Scary right? This is what the Satan sells to us!

We die when we fall for the temptation to be angry at God. So life has beaten you black and blue from the moment you took your first breath and God has never heard any prayer you made. You have been the victim and are angry and rightly so too! But seriously, be mad at God? You think Christ being nailed to the cross was wickedness? No, it was the purest form of Love. Do you realize that no matter what you go through, unless God okays it or you ask Him to leave you alone, Satan can’t touch your life? Ask Job. Someone said, if you think it’s your alarm that wakes you every morning, try placing it beside a corpse. I thought trials were meant to make you stronger and most importantly wiser yet you do the most foolish thing – be angry at God! Dead man walking!

We die when we fall into the temptation to believe we do not deserved to be cared for. We accept the lie that we are to live for others only and not ourselves. Boy meets girl, boy somehow doesn’t treat girl with much respect and value but sparks are flying all over the place so they get married and start a family. Somewhere along the way woman believes her sole purpose is to make hubby and children happy. Twenty – five years after with the most adorable family portrait; hubby is an accomplished man, a successful icon; children are stable with promising futures and mum? Dead and bitter woman walking!

We die when we fall into the temptation to compromise. You know that awkward feeling where you are the odd one out and obviously so, no one really wants to be in that position. So gradually we loosen up, lower the standard, tell ourselves that nearly is ‘close’ to the real deal and finally, we settle for too little. Good bye excellence, hello mediocre. We won’t stand for anything so we will fall for everything – dead people walking!

We die when we fall into the temptation to make excuses, to blame everyone and everything other than ourselves. It wasn’t me, the government didn’t do this, my father did that, it’s because I’m not American, more blame and excuses till we wake up and can’t account for 40 years of our lives! We suddenly realize we never got that degree, sweetheart moved on when we refused to ditch the nappy, our neighbour’s toddler is now running for governor and our classmates are enjoying retirement – dead and old man walking!

We die when we fall into the temptation to not number our days so we just live life as it comes, with no vision or plan. The bible says write the vision down and make it plain that he might run that reads it. A life without vision lacks passion, flavour, is typically bland. We even back it up with scripture sometimes “give us this day our daily bread”, “do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself”, not in this context o! Everyone is born with a purpose so find purpose! Live for something else 15years as a receptionist, no salary increase, no promotion, no bonuses and definitely no retirement plan may just be around the corner after all, let tomorrow take care of itself – dead man walking!

Life or death? Choose Life!

The difference between us and Bidemi is that her body is on it’s way to 6 feet under where there is probably no redemption. We fall for the temptation to choose death over life because Satan hides from us what is really at stake so we think it is worth it. Death before our purpose is accomplished is NOT worth it! If only we could see through the eyes of Jehovah to see how special we are, important we are, incomplete the world is without us especially when we do not fulfill purpose. As 2012 wraps up, you might realize that you have been dead. Will you stay dead or will you rise and take another shot at living?

THE EXCHANGE!

It’s been three months since my last post, wow! How time flies! I apologise for the break in blogging, I have been busy with school and some other personal stuff – don’t ask, but I’ll gist you about school. I am an architect by training but my passion is telling stories through picture, film, magazine show, documentary, writing and speaking. Bottom line is I love the media and want to be a professional. One thing you learn as an architect is planning – detailed planning so naturally, I had a plan to achieve my dream of becoming a one-of-a-kind-sought-after media professional. My first stop was the FRCN

The prestigious FRCN Training School logo

Training School but first, let’s play a game! What is FRCN? Please tell me you got it right! Why? You would be amazed at the number of people that do not know (including you, maybe *eyes rolling*). When I announced to family and friends my plan to enrol at the FRCN training school, I got shocking responses – “You want to work with the RAILWAY CORPORATION?” , “You want to be a ROAD SAFETY OFFICIAL?”  Huh? I have never been on a train before and road safety official (na dis one pain me pass and I had vowed to impound their vehicles if I ever became an official)? That’s one of the hardest and harshest jobs ever because you are right in the elements, I really commend the workers. Anyway, I put all this unawareness behind me and enrolled at the training school!

The structure of the school was decaying and the Director kept begging the issue during our orientation like it was not ‘obviously’ obvious while assuring us of the quality of learning we would receive.

During orientation, no classroom could accomodate all the students.

I doubt anyone really minded because we had studied in worse conditions, atleast I have. The duration of the program was 8 weeks though lectures was for 5 weeks. In 5 weeks, I saw people transform from – “I am hilarious to be elected as …”, “My extinct director, fellow students …”, “This shoe is nice and everlasting”  to speaking proper English language phonetically and grammatically. I saw amazing Nigerian teachers who held a class of over 180 Nigerian students for 4 hours without anyone leaving the class from boredom. I saw a Nigerian class that was not ‘copy and paste’, where everyone participated and contributed freely. I saw a Nigerian class where the eargerness to learn was quite unbelievable yet true. I saw a Nigerian school where lateness, littering and cheating was not condoned. I saw a Nigerian class where friendships that were made would last a lifetime. I saw that not all young people were yahoo boys or prostitutes. I saw that not everyone depended on JAMB to get an education and degree holders, even authors wanted more knowledge. I saw that Nigerians were willing to take leave from work, travel far from home to add value to themselves. At the training school, I saw hope for Nigeria, I saw a candlelight.

At 52, we are still living and where there is life, there is hope. God was willing to spare Sodom if He found 10 righteous men in their entire population. They had lost all their virtue and their sin was begging for punishment but God still asked what they had left – 10 righteous men. When God met Moses at the burning bush, Moses was an 80 year old fugitive but God asked Him what he had in his hand – a rod, God worked with that rod, changing Moses’ life and delivering Isreal. The widow who came to Elisha for help thought she had lost everything and was about to lose her sons but Elisha asked what she had left – a jar of oil. That was enough for God to work with, that jar of oil paid her debts and sustained her and her sons. Point is the world judges us by what we have lost, what we do not have and God is also aware of these things but He is asking “what do you have left?”. As long as there is still breath in you, you still have something and what you have is more than enough for God to work with if you will lay it at His feet. As a country, our faults, losses, sin, are rising up to heaven for judgement but God is asking “what do you have left Nigeria, is there nothing you can present to me?” I think not because I see hope and I am laying it at God’s feet. That is 1 righteous man, where are the remaining 9?

Hope – one of our righteous men. See how powerful he is? Imagine the impact when the remaining 9 show up!

Enough of the complaining, cursing, bickering and regrets! It is time to find our righteous men and present them to God. There is still good in this land, there is something to be grateful for. Something good that we are known for, something good that no one can take from us. We must find our righteous men for we still have breath in us. We must find them and lay them at God’s feet! We must take responsibility for the inevitable day of confrontation comes along with the consequence of our actions.

May our action lead to an exchange.

What will that consequence be – an exchange or destruction? God bless Nigeria.

p.s FRCN is Federal Radio Corporation of Nigeria.

 

 

SMOKY EYES, PORCELAIN HEARTS

Beautiful but pretty hard for a heart!

Smoky eyes, porcelain hearts, you are unable to see others clearly through your hazy vision yet your heart is too resistant to acknowledge that you could be wrong, too hard to see redemption. So like the Pharisees, you load others with rules and regulations, nearly breaking their backs but never lifting even a finger to help – you must not, you cannot, this is a sin, that is evil; how then do they climb up to your standard? Indeed you have the key of knowledge but instead of unlocking doors, you lock them. You won’t let anyone go in and guess what? You refuse to go in yourself! You know the way to freedom but you lead to condemnation and so you are also condemned because in this kingdom to receive, you must give and to lead, you must serve.

This is definitely not the end of the road…

Smoky eyes, porcelain hearts, you are religion champions and relationship amateurs. You have memorized the rules of your God yet are clueless to who your God is – how then can you know who you are? You look in the mirror and yearn to see anything the world has sold to your hearts, something familiar; not God, He is not familiar – how do you look for something you have not lost? So you live your life totally unaware of who you are, who you are capable of becoming. You only exist; the world never experiences you – what a waste, what a shame! You come to this world loaded with gifts, treasures, blessings but you leave without releasing any even to yourself – what ignorance! You are able to tell the change in weather and seasons yet unable to discern the God-season we are in right now – what foolishness!

Never ever – it’s the key.

Smoky eyes, porcelain hearts, you live in difficult times and to survive you need a strong heart; a strength powered by Love. This love you cannot give until you first receive it. Stop trying so hard to love a God you know nothing about; embrace instead His love for you and in accepting his love, you learn to love Him and His children in return. You open the door of knowledge for yourself and the ignorant with love for everything God created is good and love marches to its heartbeat. Let your heart beat with love and the lost will come marching; they will obey the will of the Father not out of fear as in the law but out of love as in grace. Through love, you are able to die to self, live a generous life and store up treasures in heaven. Smoky eyes, porcelain hearts; with love, your eyes don’t just look but really see; your ears don’t just hear but really listen; your heart does not just perceive but really discerns. With love, you can be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.

My Birthday Wish list!

Count down – 9 days! Hurray!!!

My birthday is in 9 days, yep on the 14^th! It’s a public holiday in heaven you know (What do you expect? I’m Jesus’ Siamese – my twin is seated at the right hand of God).

Anyways, I haven’t been my brightest since Democracy day and the recent events in the country haven’t helped either. At this rate, one might just slip into depression. So I judge God faithful in all that have happened and find courage to keep moving!

June is a month of Joy! A month to rejoice, reconnect with God and rekindle your faith. It is a month to love God and be loved in return. Personally, June is my new year – a fresh start, transformation, new energy, renewed hope! It is the month where I am a child again and can believe anything. It is the month where I try to have on something new from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet at least on my birthday. It is the month that I make a wish list year after year even if nothing on the list gets ticked off.

This year WILL be no exception! My list is usually in my head but I choose to make this year’s public, not because I am vain or insensitive – NO. This is me clinging to hope, renewing my faith that there is a great awakening in the land; being assured that God will restore unto us a greater glory, rejoicing for I know He raises a new army of people after His heart whose DNA’s are encoded in excellence!

Our light will shine – brightly!

Yes we mourn but God promises restoration! We are sick but He promises health and healing! We are poor but God says He will reveal an abundance of prosperity and security! We are buried in sin but God says He will cleanse us from all the guilt of our sin and forgive all our rebellion against Him! God says NIGERIA shall be to Him a name of Joy, a praise and a glory before all the nations of the earth who shall hear of the good He will do for us.

Difficult as it seems, let us give thanks to the Lord of hosts, for the Lord is good, for His steadfast love endures forever! Refuse to be strangled by the choking fingers of death and misfortune all around, for our darkness gives way to exceeding light! Do not succumb to the defeat of hopelessness, spiritual death, and curses from our mouths – NO! Our victory is in our praise, the word of God on our lips, a positive attitude!

Are you ready?

My list is me being positive and even if nothing get ticked off as they are usually expensive; my new year WILL begin on the 14^th by His grace and I fulfill His purpose for my life step by step and day by day! So here goes:

A new laptop (a mac book or any other brand with a unique design)

A new phone (blackberry at least curve 4 or an iphone)

Modem for browsing

A professional camera (Canon – don’t know any model but heard the cheapest is about N250k)

A new car or school fees

Money (at least 6 digits)

Hey do not be discouraged by this list o, this is meant to be an inspirational piece abeg! So perfumes, bags, shoes, make up, accessories, clothes, wrist watches, gift coupons, spa bookings, novels (Ted Dekker preferably), recharge cards (mtn or glo, at least N500 – it’s my birthday  na), anything from your heart especially your prayers are most welcome!

May the peace of God be with us all!

The Domino Effect!

For Tochi Eze

Thursday afternoon, meeting at the office

Voice 1: When did you schedule the location recce?

Voice 2: Saturday, if everyone is available

Voice 1: Saturday is fine, what time? Anwuli, please call to schedule a time.

Me: Yes sir, am I part of the team? Emm…my Saturday is booked….

I don’t envy that last guy…

Voice 1: You will be there on Saturday, please schedule a time (end of discussion)!

Me: thinking to myself, “these people can spoil runs! Saturday is booked for a friend’s book launch (1 hour max) the bulk of the day with bobo (it’s been a while na) and the evening, carrying out my decoration duties in church” as I give Voice 2 an icy glare for fixing Saturday!

Anyway, Saturday came and well… location recce – check! Friend’s book launch- check! Church décor – check! Time out with bobo – no show! But I do not regret the day one bit!

Though I planned to spend 1hour at my friend’s book launch, I almost did not attend. I do not like attending events alone, my plan for the day changed with the inclusion of work and to make matters worse, it rained! But I really wanted to support her as I also hope to write a book (s) in future so I did an out of body experience and just moved my feet till I was seated in the hall. I listened to two fantastic speakers and then it was time for the book launch. This was my first book launch and it was nice to finally see how a book reading was done, I have always wondered what it was like. It was a great program and I was thoroughly blessed spiritually and physically (we were served refreshments! Was not expecting any *big smile*) but I was blessed mostly by the eyes of Tochi’s family.

In those eyes I saw joy that could not be expressed with words, tears that accompanied such joy, pride that was not haughty and a love so pure, it brought tears to my eyes – nothing could stand against it. In those eyes I also saw, my God I saw DREAMS THAT HAD COME TRUE and so I thought “all this because she wrote a book? You mean if I write a book, I can give my loved ones this experience?” And He said to me “No, Silly! It’s not because she wrote a book, it is because she pleases me”.

You see, when the bible says “seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL other things will be added unto you”, it meant every word! If you obey this instruction, like Tochi is doing, ALL other things will be added to you. Things that exist and are yet to exist, tangible and intangible things, expensive and priceless things, much more than you can think or imagine, your dreams will come true! Obeying that instruction is the first domino that causes a domino effect which automatically sets off a chain reaction that defies all science including, honouring your father and mother, loving like God loves, grace to carry your cross, experiencing the joy of salvation and a peace that surpasses all understanding, being light and salt to the world, being blessed beyond measure, being who God has called you to be.

Seek God, trust God.

If Saturday was the last day of Tochi’s parents, they would bless her from their inside and die empty and happy. You should have seen how attentive a friend of Tochi’s father was, the old man took notes and even asked a question. His spirit, soul and body were there; he would not have missed it for the world! Few weddings can evoke such sincere emotions as was present at that book launch. Tochi did not just launch her book that day, she was also honoured.

In all, I spent two and a half hours, and every second was a blessing. Thank you Tochi for pleasing God and granting us that unforgettable experience, may your children give you even more. Maybe it’s time to write my own book, hmm…now what would I call it?

Omo wa’se, o r’ise!

We struggle without grace.

Last year, I was working with a fantastic organization and even though I was employed, I had no work to do. It was not like there was no work to do, it was just that management did not trust you enough to let you handle any responsibility unless of course menial errands like turning on the generator when PHCN did what they were paid to do, serving refreshments during board meetings, representing the company in association meetings where issues being discussed happened at least a decade before you were born. Naturally, I became bored, so bored I would spend hours: sleeping (what? Fine, I admit it’s shameful), on the phone with my sister (this I really miss), on Facebook (this one was ordained o) and that’s how I started writing seriously and enjoying writing. So I wrote, Face booked, met amazing people, read life changing notes and wrote some more until I said to myself ‘I’m going to die mentally and spiritually here’. Though I had ample time on my hands doing nothing, I still got paid at the end of the month, but not without management reminding you with screaming and snide remarks how you were being paid for doing nothing. I was frustrated, very bored and I wanted more; so I made up my mind to resign at the end of the year and go back to school.

My plan was simple – start school May/September 2012 and get a job before school starts. I resumed a new job in January as planned and life could not be better. I was happy, I loved my job, the work environment was better and I could proudly say I earned every penny I got! Did I mention I got a black berry as an official phone with monthly subscription and weekly credit? Yea, I know, sticking out my tongue to my brother who promised me one taya! My life was perfect or so I thought until management started…well, managing. Here, management practically hovers around you and everything that is the company’s which you work with to ensure that you work much more than you are paid! Before I knew it, I was heading two departments, attending every meeting, managing three websites, two Facebook pages and three twitter handles! Gone was my idle time; sometimes I’d feel so tired and sleepy, I practically have to hold my eyelids to stay awake! I’d be in meetings from the start of work and the next thing I know, it’s past break time but that’s not all, –  it’s time for another meeting and then it’s 5 O’ clock but hey, it gets even better because my body is now starting to shake due to lack of food when management says “Anwuli, is the document ready?”. Sincerely, in my head, I’m thinking “If I was attending meetings all day, WHEN WOULD I HAVE TIME TO PREPARE THE DOCUMENT??? Without saying, I lost weight with the speed of lightning and writing?  Hmm, that one was got with the wind; I mean this is my second note in five months! Anyway, all that I could cope with. What almost drove me crazy though was when management started making comments like “Anwuli, I think you need to prioritize your duties, you are not meeting up to your deadlines. Your predecessor for example used to stay overnight at the office just so she could meet up with her deadlines and she always did, I’m not saying you should do same but just think about it”, or just after I change my display picture or update my status “I think we need to use this black berry to publicize the company, you know the phone is not just there for nothing”, for everyone: who has complained about never seeing my picture or was hurt because I did not put up their picture on their birthday, now you know why. Me, I am not complaining sha… ok, at least not anymore (big smile on my face). One day, when I used to complain, I went lamenting to a former colleague and he said to me “Omo wa’se, o r’ise!” And that really is my story, and the story of every child of God.

With grace this is a piece of cake! Well, maybe not as sweet.

We want eternal life and the bonuses attached but we want no cross on our journey to that destination.  Jesus’ destination when He left heaven for earth was not to die on the cross but it was to the place of honour at the right hand of the throne of God, Heb 12: 2. Hun? You mean it was not to die for me?  Friend, it was much more than that! Jesus knew that after salvation comes the cross so he went the extra mile to live a life we could follow to help us attain glory like He did. He endured the shame, the pain, the betrayal, unbelief of His disciples, and death on the cross for the glory He saw.

A cross is not pretty neither is it pleasant, it is that seeming negative in your life though you are a disciple. It cannot be hidden; it is heavy and visible, something shameful that people identify you with for the period which it lastsbecause it aint forever – even if you die carrying it, it ends with your mortal body. It is an experience capable of making you renounce your faith. It is when you can’t see God yet you are asked to believe. It is what makes you question God. It is what makes you abandon the affection of God and embrace the seduction of the devil.

What is your cross and what glory do you see? If you see an invention, your cross might be being misunderstood by the world; If you see ruling a kingdom, your cross might be being hated by the ones you love; If you see ministry, your cross might be being sexually and verbally abused by the ones you trusted; If you see a financially secure future, your cross might be the loss of the source of that security. If you see happily ever after, your cross might be marrying a monster.

The cross is not to be understood, it is to be carried and unless you see and continue seeing a glory, your cross won’t be worth carrying to you. In carrying your cross; Know that God does not waste resources and everything He allows to happen is for a reason.  Know that God’s thoughts towards you are of good and not of evil, Jer 29: 11. Know that He will not give you much more than you can bear 1 Cor 10: 13. If indeed you are carrying your cross and not someone else’s, He will compel a Simon to help you Matt 15: 21. Finally, know also that the cross is discipline; God will not give His glory to unruly children, Heb 12: 7-17

What you see will keep you. What do you see?

No matter your cross, one thing is sure, carrying your cross never leaves you worse than it met you – it always brings you glory and in attaining that glory, you help others do same!

P.s if all I have written makes no sense to you, all this cross talk as your life is and has always been prefect; sweetheart start ‘gyming’ because your cross is on its way and no I don’t mean dumb bells but God’s word, silly!

When I die…

God is indeed wonderful! Breathtaking!

This was inspired by the service of songs for my Pastor’s mum.

When I die…

I want to be celebrated and not mourned because by His grace, my work here will be completed. I would have run the race, fought the good fight of faith and finished strong! I know that I go home to a proud Father who can’t wait to show me off to other saints. Just as I have read about Moses, Elijah, David, Paul, Peter and other saints; my Father will play my lifetime and say proudly, ‘my daughter delivered people from oppression, cared for the motherless, clothed the naked, fed the hungry, mentored people to discovering and fulfilling their passions and purposes, revolutionized the media industry. She lived a balanced life; she was a wife, help meet and best friend of her husband, she loved, cared and raised my children in my ways, was committed to establishing my kingdom on earth’. He would go on and on, then finally say (with the widest grin ever), ‘Welcome home daughter’.

I want to be celebrated and not mourned because every seed I have planted by the enablement of father will bring forth a bountiful harvest and will be sustained. Generations to come will reap of this harvest because these seeds have not been sown on land which can be washed away by floods or stocks which have crashed or on the economy which could experience a meltdown; but on minds which have and can have the mind of Christ, lives which have and can have God’s own spirit. That is the reason my father sent me and all of His children; to glorify Him with the gifts and power He has given us. Gifts are to be given, why should I take them back home?

I want to be celebrated and not mourned because you understand that I am not dead but have just begun living eternal life. My transition will strengthen you to keep running this race and encourage you to finish strong as I have been encouraged by other saints, besides who is going to occupy your mansion if you never come home? I want to be celebrated for the unsaved, by the mercies of my Father, to see that Heaven is home if they will only believe. Imagine the joy in heaven – my welcome party and the salvation of a soul!

I want to be celebrated and not mourned because I am but a foreigner on earth and heaven is my home. No one mourns when a tourist departs for his home land; on the

Certainly more colourful than this!

contrary, a party is thrown on his behalf to ensure he goes home with a memorable experience of his host land. I want to be celebrated because Heaven also celebrates my home coming; so yes, I want a send forth on earth! I want praise, worship, thanksgiving, dance, laughter, jokes and of course, fireworks!

With pearly gates, wings of angels and streets of gold.

TRICK OR TREAT?

Christmas is magical!

No it’s not Halloween (this is 9ja o) but it was Christmas! And officially, Christmas is my favorite holiday season. Not because of Santa (Fada Christmas) as I am too old to go on his laps and even as a child I was terrified of him (maybe that’s how I landed the nickname bush baby), neither is it because of the birth of Jesus or the nativity story but it is because for the first time in my life, I actually felt the magic of the season. I did not have any Christmas tree at home but I helped decorate the Christmas trees at church.  As we put up the trees and began to decorate one piece after another; as the trees came to life, something also lit up on my inside and I am truly grateful for that experience.

Growing up, Christmas was more of the tradition of attending mass and killing Christmas chicken! We had a Christmas tree but I don’t remember gifts under the tree, maybe there were. Last Christmas was truly special because I learnt something – Christmas trees are never fully decorated all round, only in front! Duh? I hear you say, well I never knew and it hurt so badly! Well before you begin to wonder what planet I’m from, let me explain. You see, I’m sort of a late bloomer so when I eventually get the hang of something, I become a staunch disciple – I guess it’s the only way I think I can make up for the ‘lost time’. So after we spend the greater part of the day and around Lagos too, shopping for a Christmas tree and appropriate ornaments, we begin to give life to our white and green trees (the memory of the day just brings a smile to my face) and my H.O.D says “focus on the front”. At first, I don’t take him seriously and it broke my heart when I realized he meant business. I kept saying “why? It should go round”, to which he replied “so that it’s richer in décor”. I do admit that it’s quite expensive to have a decent Christmas tree that is fully decorated all round so I understand that we had to be prudent but I kept thinking to myself – “this is deception, we are the Church, we should not be deceiving people.” See how extreme I can be? Ssh…I still ensured it was 65%-35%, only then would my conscience let me be!

Just after Christmas day, boyfriend and I visited his aunt and I see the tallest, most beautiful tree ever in a home!  I mean, the lights were so alive and the balls were just huge and amazing! My eye balls are about to roll out of their sockets in awe and for a second I am Charlie in the chocolate factory. Suddenly, I can’t wait to see the back of the tree; surely this tree will be fully decorated! God! I’m laughing at myself right now. See, this tree was between the angle of two walls so it required quite an effort to get to the back. Guess what? It was empty! Yes, empty! Not one ball, not one light, just plain empty! I almost cried; I could not believe the deception, my church was generous! Seeing this fully decorated (or so I thought) Christmas tree was a treat for me so imagine my sadness, disappointment and maybe anger when I realized I had been tricked.

Are we not like the Christmas tree, putting our best foot forward always? Why can’t both our feet be the best so that by merely standing, being ourselves and not assuming an awkward posture that is uncomfortable; we may be noticed and given our desired and deserved attention? Why must we show people our fully decorated front knowing fully that when they eventually take in the beauty of our front and proceed to the back they would find nothing but emptiness? What kind of relationships do we hope to have if we continually throw people’s trusts back in their faces?

When Jesus said “be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect”, He was not just talking about being holy or not sinning. He was referring to the totality of your being – Spirit, Soul and Body. It’s not enough for you to be so spiritual that you see God and yet be ignorant or dull intellectually and I don’t mean being educated. It’s not enough for you to be a Harvard professor and be dead spiritually. It’s not enough for you to be spiritual and intellectually sound yet you neglect your body after all it’s just the ‘casing’ for the real you; of what use is your spirituality and intelligence if your body shuts down? We have to be perfect in all three areas, 100% each just like our Father. Imagine if God was only perfect as the Father, manageable as the Son and ‘just there’ as the Holy Spirit. Do you think a ‘manageable’ Son would have saved us or a ‘just there’ Holy Spirit can teach us all things?

Our Government is scarier, God help us!

Nigerians are not mad at the Fuel subsidy, we are mad because our leaders put their best foot forward – democracy; and now that we have taken in the beauty of the front and are eager to see the back, we find nothing but emptiness! People have a right to be angry at deception, how do you take someone to the pent house, let them take in all the luxury and without any notice announce to them that they would be sleeping in the drainage! Our government might have the best economic brains and the best laws in the world but it is weak spiritually.

Perfection is not a one-off achievement; it is a daily feat so every day, you get a chance to be 100%! Some days you hit the target, some days you are close; but on other days you are totally out of range! Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been out of range a lot!

A treat is who we ought to be! yummy right?

Whatever result you get at the end of the day, strive afresh at the beginning of a new day! Do not get too comfortable when you are 100% and do not give up when you get a minus (-) %. Let each day end with whatever it brings and be ready for tomorrow’s challenge. At the end of each day, ask yourself – Trick or Treat? Whatever your answer, fight to be 100% tomorrow.

With steady feet and a new Love for my Maker!

P.s This is my first post for the year – Happy new year guys *with hands over my face* Love you to bits!